The other day, my 93-year-old mother reiterated a phone conversation with her sister. Unfortunately, her sister's memory is rapidly fading, and her world looks very different these days. A woman of taste who previously took extreme care in her appearance - now reports not wanting to dress up or wear makeup. My mom's response was: "You don't need makeup. You are not trying to attract anyone!" My dumbfounded response: "Why do you think Auntie's desire to look good is associated with attracting someone? Can't she just dress for herself?" And my mom shook her head.
This genuinely made me reflect on my own practices and underlying motivations. I had taken a bath and washed my hair before leaving the house. Styled my mop, and put a day make up on (with a bit of sparkle of course!) and I'm wearing cute jeans and a chunky sweater. I don't give a rat's ass whether anyone is "attracted" to my look. I feel ready to face the world. In my mind's eye: I'm adorable. Which is a hilarious statement for a 62-year-old, semi-retired person - perhaps? But why not? Why can't I desire cuteness just for myself? Spending hours reviewing Pat McGrath palettes and sharing my findings with my daughters is not about attracting anyone - it's fun for me. This behaviour (perceived by some as superficial) gives me joy and yes, distracts me from sometimes difficult and unpleasant decisions. Or serious world events that I also ponder and engage in! But to be totally immersed in "serious" would cause my mental health to suffer. I unapologetically love fashion, colour, style, and matching "looks" to people and dogs (and cats). Everyone finds joy in different things. So don't hate on me for my interests and I will support your right to choose every time.
The back story is: my mom always took care to dress and freshen up regardless of what her calendar looked like. She was a stay-at-home mom who did a lot of work for my dad's businesses (bookkeeping, cleaning, entertaining, etc.) but she referred to my generation's penchant for jeans as the "denim mentality." In her esteem, wearing jeans all the time discouraged wearers from taking more personal care. Not sure if research backs her theory and I refuse to cite anything because one quick Google search made me angry! Loads of results citing my choice of comfy overalls styled with funky accessories indicates depression or party animalist tendencies (bah!)... Especially for females (double bah!).
My style, hobbies and passions were seeded in watching mom carefully apply lipstick or button er "house dress" every morning. She also taught me to knit, sew, crochet, embroider, cook, and fix toilets. My parents were not wealthy. They rarely ate in restaurants or attended events. An exciting meal change was a Swanson's, frozen, TV dinner while watching Hockey Night in Canada (before the theme song change). But they always took pride in their appearances. And even if the three of us (I had two older brothers) were being towed on the bus to get groceries, we were clean, neat, and carefully clothed. Some of mom and dad's desire to take this level of care was the era, for sure. Some of it was having been interned during the war, they spoke of recognizing privilege over right, and emphasized the importance of (for example) voting. My mom had the double whammy of living through oppression as a woman and as a Japanese Canadian; both Japanese Canadians and women (not all!) were granted suffrage in 1948. My parents taught us that anything can be taken from you. Work harder than the person next to you. Always "rise above" and "be the best you can be, no matter what the circumstances." Their sharing of what they experienced during WWII was never rooted in bitterness but in education, perseverance and success. It took me until later adulthood to fully appreciate their lessons and sacrifices.
Is there a point to this rambling entry? My Libra soul admits I dress for me, and for you. As a self-employed maker, it's easy to wear what I want, when I want. As a fashion chameleon and career consultant, my advice to a job-seeker stands at: "Analyze who is interviewing you and their work environment and culture. Dress one step above." My response to mom is still: "Dress however makes you feel good."
A great read, Nancy. You do you!(Luckily, or perhaps intentionally) you’re beautiful inside and out so it’s not that hard.
Well written Nancy! I enjoyed reading this and have a few thoughts that will stay with me to ponder! Thanks 🤔😊